Staying Under the Same Roof Before Marriage?
Should two single people stay together in the same house before they get married — and even if it’s claimed that it is due to logistical/geographical or traveling reasons? What if it’s claimed that they’re not having sexual relations together and the man is sleeping on the floor and the lady is sleeping on the bed?
MY ANSWER:
I wish we could say that it would be just fine for this couple to stay in the same house alone together before they marry because I’m sure it would be much more convenient that way. The problem isn’t just in the fact that they’re staying in the same house together when they’re single, because they could be very innocent in their motives and their actions.
If this couple stays together like this – even if they are innocent, they will give fuel to someone who can accuse them of doing more than they are. Many people would never believe that a couple could stay together in circumstances like this and not fall into sin so the lies could take root in someone else’s mind (even if this couple is innocent).If this couple asks a friend or relative to stay in the home when they are there together, then this could work — as long as the person is someone who is trust-worthy and who won’t lie about the situation at some later date. But who knows what happens behind the closed door?
Partly also because people who choose to live together tend to be younger or less religious. They want to be absolutely sure this is the right person before they say, `I do’ for a lifetime. Some said that they are afraid to lose their partner so they move in together, hoping that the arrangement can keep them together. But, since there are no outlined commitments to stay with each other, what if unforeseen circumstances arise like the girl met in a bad car accident and he walk out on her. Now she is left to deal with the physical pain as well as the emotional loss of having her boyfriend walk away (whom she trusted and thought would stay by her side).
Living together before marriage is great too. It gives you an idea of how that person really is. If you wait till after marriage and decide you dont like their way of living what would you do, its to late. Yes, knowing one another’s habits can be good after marriage for you to work on and get used to the good and bad sides of each sexes bad points e.g. get used to the toilet seat being left up when we wanted it down!!
However it is up to the individuals. Each couple is different, it may work for some and other for whatever reason do not find it to work.
Lil said,
May 4, 2006 @ 4:48 pm
i definitely have no qualm about couples living together prior to marriage, sexually involved or not… for one, if they are serious about building a life together, this is a good way to reduce cost of say, renting two different places, transport to work together etc… whatever savings can be put towards wedding expenses, future childcare plan etc…
but if the two persons are not a couple and still choose to live together, the upside of savings still apply and as for the gossips, there’s no way of stopping people from talking anyway, and as long as one’s conscience is clear, there is no reason why it can’t be done…
athena said,
May 4, 2006 @ 7:48 pm
i agree with lil, but in malaysia it is harder said than done. Gossips can get really vicious
selena said,
May 6, 2006 @ 3:20 am
…..can always get down to registry office first mah……and get “paraded” with the parents & other relatives later when they’ve saved up enough money for the big wedding ceremonies leh
i actually know people who did that. muahahaha
carol said,
May 9, 2006 @ 6:46 pm
Actually i will encourage couple not to stay together before getting married…
not to say avoiding gossiping or being conservative nor old fashion…
just some heart talk and experience of myself…
Before i said I do to my husband on the 3rd April this year..
I didnt really stay with him for our close to 4 years relationship.. of course on and off staying overnite thats definite 🙂
To married a guy & get committed for the rest of life already given us the idea for staying with each other the rest of our lifes… we have the next 40-60 years to stay together… so no hurry to get all the excitement of staying with each other…
Of course there is always a say that to know each other better before saying i do… that’s exactly what i thought for my previous relationships… so end up.. saying bye bye… because no obligation to responsible and always ask myself why should i face all the unnecessary sadness or challenges without legally binding…This guy doesnt suit me.. he is not the person which i think worth to be with…
so end up keep searching and finding for the so call “perfect man” 🙂
I am glad, feel lucky to meet and have my hubby .. my wedding ceremory is June 10th 2006..
Of course I know after married, honeymood period for few months then the real life will come, hah.. just stay calm and think for both side, that means alot to 2 parties.. “Pak Tol” sweet parctices like kisses before to leaving house to work, asking hows working today when meet up at home… must continue doing it even after married and if possible bring it on till the end of our lifes.. this is what i see from my parents & parents in law… give & take.. they like to hold hands while shopping with us… at age of 55 & 53 … very loving.. so touching to see that.. set a good example to me & hubby…