Licenced To Stray
Dear Thelma,
I have 2 children. One month before I deliver my 3rd child, I found out that my husband is seeing another women. He claimed that I am a good mother but not a good wife. I have dedicated all my time to the kids and doesn’t pleases him at time. Of course I was tramatised over the incident. After I finished my confinement, I went to a sliming centre in hope that I will win my husband heart again cos I still love him very much. We went for vacation and I tried to be romantic to ward him. 2 months after that, my husband left the other women and we are back as a happy couple again.
Not long after that, he have to leave for another state to work. That leave me and my 3 kids at home for several year. In 2005, he was jobless and I have to be the bread winner in the family. Thanks God I still had my career. The ugly thing is, I started seeing another man and when my husband found out about it, he spent a large sum of money to hire a investigator and finally file for a divorce.
He told me that he shall ‘revenge’ on me by fooling around with other women to hurt me. He used to come home on alternate days but nowadays, our home is like a hotel to him. He drop by once a forth night for few hours only. He claimed that since it is my fault to make him come out with large sum to hire a investigator and a lawyer, I shall bear the cost for his rendevous. Do you know how hurt am I?
Didn’t he realised many years ago when he cheated on me, I am willing to sacrificed lots of thing to win his heart back but why he have to treat me this way???!!!
Sad Wife
………………………………
If you did not read ‘Dear Thelma’ on The Star 20/August paper, this is one of the problem face by many women out there. Take note that I type all the above from my heart as to what I can remember but the original is longer with lots of other ugly acts from the husband.
That last line has been playing in my head over and over. I know man and women is not supposed to cheat on each other but why as a women, when we found out that our husband stray, we always put ourself at fault. Many times the women will ask, “What is wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? or sexy enough?” Somehow, we will go thru all the trouble to win them back and so forth? But for the man, they will think that we are not a good wife/mother anymore. The only solution for them is file for a divorce and take over the custody of the children. All human make mistake but women never given the chance to turn over a new leaf.
robin said,
August 22, 2006 @ 12:33 pm
ouch, reality hurts does it not? but usually, the letter written would be less than 50% honest, either written with many facts hidden, or written with twisted facts siding only to the writer, or with facts being overly exeggarated from nothing at all.
but i would always think that divorve is an ugly thing.
daboss said,
August 22, 2006 @ 1:18 pm
doesn’t matter whether it is right or wrong… but if your hubby feels happier that you look attractive, why not put in serious effort and try to be attractive for him? most women will say right back – ‘vice versa’… but that’s not the point.
if a man is happy in his own bed, he won’t go sleeping around. again, i’m not saying whether it right/wrong or fair/unfair… but why not just make your hubby happy? it may very well turn out to be a much easier and less painful route…
kamkuey said,
August 22, 2006 @ 2:24 pm
agree with daboss..
easier to prevent than to solve.
the Razzler said,
August 22, 2006 @ 2:43 pm
Always two sides to a coin. With equality in capability & financial resources, women have the right to her fair share of say in a marriage.
I certainly believes so.
When a man strays .. it’s not always the women’s fault & vice versa. It takes more than just commitment & being loyal to stay as a couple.
It’s the TRUST that a binds couple together coz’ when there’s doubt between a couple, it will only cause further strain in a relationship and creates suspicion in everything each other say or do.
And yes .. SEX is NOT everything in a relationship. Do we have to really grow old to know how to just simply appreciate each other’s company.
Hisham said,
August 22, 2006 @ 3:52 pm
So….. what’s a sliming centre? Is that a place where you get slimed or something?
sila said,
August 22, 2006 @ 9:35 pm
i think the hubby in this situation was wrong to cheat on his wife in the 1st place, and then i think the woman in the relationship was wrong to cheat back on her husband. sounds to me that divorce is the only way lah – that bond of trust is gone and how to live together in harmony again like that?
but women tend to always look at themselves to blame when something goes wrong. child misbehaves, we say “did we raise them right”. or hubby strays “what did we do wrong”? we have to stop that. like the woman in Dear Thelma – the hubby strayed the 1st time because he was gatal and didn’t communicate to his wife his unhappiness and work with her to resolve his issues.
Simple American said,
August 22, 2006 @ 11:32 pm
Its not a woman’s fault her husband makes a poor choice. If a woman is smart she will leave with the children and never see her ex again. Once divorced you should treat your spouse as if they are dead as much as possible.
luxferi said,
August 23, 2006 @ 3:35 pm
Double standard, that’s what it is. It’s so unfair. That husband is no good anyway – although the writer still loves him, I think she deserves better than him.
But one thing tho- if my man does that to me, no second chances, no blaming myself. yes it takes two hands to clap but once one strays, he is likely to do it again – and straying is a choice. He makes that choice, we’re over. I’m not condemning my own sex, but women are very emotional, and that backfires constantly.
MLNS said,
August 28, 2006 @ 4:12 pm
It’s always easy to judge others and comment. However, if I were in the woman’s shoe, I would feel that since she is willing to win back the hubby, why is she having an affair with another. Doesn’t it make it worth the while to go through thick & thin with him despite the fact that he is jobless. With that said, we do not know all the details behind the story, so…Bottom line, sometimes we need to think of the kids and they may save us from temptation.